Graduation season, Farewell Season
In China, graduation day is in June, that means summer. While here in the United States, it’s May. For some parts of the country it might be summer, but in most cases it’s still Spring. Binghamton, a place that snows in May, is also Spring. It’s only two days until the graduation commencement. The weather looks good. There are breezes, it´s chill. But there are also sunshine. It´s like having warm nutella and cool mint creme on your toast at the same time.
Does graduation have to be so sad? I’m not even graduating this year but how come I get so sad about the whole thing? Everyone has got a smile on their graduation picture, big and cheerful. During the commencement, there will be food, drinks, a lot of chit-chat, the cap-throwing ceremony…Is the whole thing a distraction from indulging into great sadness? Like the tear under the heavy make-up of a smiling clown.
I know the reason behind my grief from the bottom of my heart: I love Binghamton so much. I have ¨siblings¨-my upper class sisters and brothers, friends-old ones and new ones, fellas-my adorable classmates and people who support me-professors and staff. I have family here. That’s why it feels like home. I’m seen, listened and encouraged. Every time I make a move, I’m encouraged to make more. When I look for help, I always have someone at my back.
I just hate the idea that it will be my last time at Bing after I graduate. I’m so afraid of the arrival of the moment and I want to get rid of this idea so badly. But the moment it appears in my head, I know that there’s no going back. Things won’t be the same. I will never be able to return to old me. I will always be thinking that I’m counting down days in Bing. When I take a course, I will hold the thought that it will be my last course of this subject. I really don’t want to leave everything here. Even if I look back all the time, it’s still useless when I picture my timeline. On the timeline, I’m moving further and further from the spot that says my college life. Everything I cherish will be locked in the box says college in Bing. I hate to say goodbye to the scenery that I’ve seen so many times and should be tired of while I can never see enough.
I grow so fast when I’m in Bing. I know for sure that I won’t grow the same way if I stayed in China. So many of my first time happened here. First time cooked on my own, roller-skate, having an internship…First time drink, workout, take a ride…I can continue with the list never knowing when to end. Life is constructed by many “first-time”s. When we are babies, everything is new to us. We can complete so many first-times in a day easily. Then the speed lowers little by little. Some people will stop trying new things at all. I’m so grateful that the first-time accumulation reach to the peak again during my time at Bing.
I do hope I can be more mature when I graduate next year. But who knows? Being mature is not an requirement for graduating.
5/13/2021 The night before the first day of commencement.
